


White Lightning

by littleconnections



Category: GetBackers
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 05:06:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleconnections/pseuds/littleconnections
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juubei has long since learned to deal with desire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Lightning

Toshiki has a bruise on his face. It’s on his cheekbone, right underneath his eye, all blue and purple and ugly. He’s smiling though, wide and all teeth and his hand keeps coming up to touch it, fingers prodding against the tender skin until he hisses but he doesn’t stop. 

It makes Juubei angry, tiny little needle pricks of rage that he balls up and pushes away, focusing on his hands instead. He wraps an ice pack in cloth for Toshiki to put on his face, steady and methodical. 

Toshiki snatches the pack when he hands in to him, pressing it to the bruise and groaning with relief. He doesn’t thank Juubei, just glares at him from behind the white cloth. There are still flecks of blood on his hands like he hasn’t scrubbed them properly yet, rusty-brown against his skin. 

Juubei cleans so his hands have something to do. The muscles in his back are tight and he stands very straight, moves with control. He knows he makes Toshiki angry but he also knows that Toshiki is angry at everyone and everything except Kazuki. 

It’s the fact that Toshiki gets to him that’s surprising. Juubei has spent a long time learning to control his emotions, keeping what is proper and stowing away what is not. They are clear categories: what helps Kazuki and what does not. His own wishes matter little in the process.

Toshiki is still standing there, ice pack pressed to his face. His eyes are half closed and staring at Juubei and they’re so, so blue, like the sky that sometimes peaks out between the buildings of Infinity Fortress. 

“What?” Juubei snaps at him, surprising himself.

Toshiki grins back, “Nothing, asshole.” 

Then he turns and saunters off, all swagger and cock.  Juubei watches him leave, watches the broad shoulders and narrow hips, the long legs and the muscles of his shoulders and back shifting under the black tank top and he stows that feeling away too.

Juubei has long since learned to deal with desire. It’s a necessary skill when you love someone it isn’t proper to love that way, when you love your master the way Juubei loves Kazuki. But Juubei is also seventeen years old and whatever else he may be Toshiki is also beautiful. 

Not beautiful the way Kazuki is beautiful, elegant and long-fingered and delicate. Toshiki is a show of force and energy and fury, tall and rough and muscular.

He is the Hell’s Knight, intensity and vengeance and fire. That’s what they call him in the street, whisper around him when he walks back from battle, blood-spattered and proud. Their titles, Kazuki’s and his, they’re just information on how they fight. Toshiki’s is a warning. In their eyes he is a demon from the ranks of hell. 

There are monsters in Infinity Fortress but Juubei doesn’t think he’s one.

Juubei thinks about pressing his mouth to Toshiki’s. He thinks about how Toshiki will push and bite, how he will growl and his hands will grip Juubei’s waist tight enough to bruise. He thinks about how it will hurt and how it will feel good and how he wants it. 

He bites his lip so hard he almost bleeds and the next time he sees Toshiki he is bland and cold and superior. Kazuki agrees with him and Toshiki’s eyes glitter, sharp and cold. When the battle comes he crushes a man’s throat with his hand and his eyes find Juubei and his smile is stained with blood.

Afterwards he disappears and Kazuki sends Juubei, who is also the doctor of their clan, to check on him. Juubei obeys because he always obeys Kazuki. 

He finds Toshiki in his room, sitting on the bed and leaning against the wall, head tilted back and staring at the ceiling.

“What do you want?” he slurs. 

For a moment Juubei is almost afraid he’s been hurt.

“Kazuki sent me to check on you,” he says sharply, “He doesn’t need an injured soldier, so tell me if you’re hurt.” 

Toshiki looks at him out of half closed eyes, then he laughs, loud and harsh.

“I’m not injured,” he says, “just some scraps. I only need to sleep so you can fuck off.” 

He never talks like this in front of Kazuki. Maybe he, too, has a feeling for what is proper.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Juubei tells him, “Take your clothes off.” 

Toshiki laughs again, tilting his head back and exposing the long line of his throat, but he complies, climbing slowly off the bed. He stands in the middle of the room. Too close, Juubei thinks, but he refuses to move back. Toshiki begins stripping out of his shirt, pulling the tank top over his head. The exposed muscles of his stomach ripple with the motion. Toshiki tosses it carelessly to the side then meets Juubei’s eyes.

“The rest too,” he says and his voice is cool. He has to fight not to swallow, for his voice not to shake. He thinks of his needles, of the tips pushing against his fingertips. Not hard, not deep enough to break skin, just enough to hurt. It helps. 

Toshiki’s eyes stay locked with his as he undoes the button on his pants and pushes it down and to the floor. He’s still wearing his underwear, white and clinging and concealing nothing. Juubei doesn’t look away from his face.

“Well doctor,” Toshiki says and it’s mocking but he’s swaying a little. 

Juubei takes his arm and begins to examine him. The group they fought today mostly used whips, so Toshiki is covered in a myriad of small cuts but there are only two larger ones that need his attention.

He fixes the one on his back first, cleaning it with the alcohol people distil themselves. White lightning, they call it. Juubei never drinks, never loses control, but it’s good for cleaning wounds. 

The second cut is on Toshiki’s thigh. He holds very still as Juubei runs the cotton pad over it and then covers it with a bandage. Then he steps back but there’s not much room so he’s still not far enough away. Toshiki is basically naked in front of him, loose and languid from exhaustion. There’s the hard plane of his chest, the spiky gold of his hair. He wants to touch him, grip him, kiss him.

Toshiki laughs, “Like what you see?” 

Juubei’s cheeks feel hot; he hopes he’s not blushing.

“Get some sleep, you’ll be fine,” this time he’s not able to keep tremor from his voice so he turns and flees before things can get worse, before he can do anything stupid. Behind him there’s silence. 

There are plenty of empty rooftops in their territory in Infinity Fortress, so that’s where he goes. The sky is inky black, no starlight reaches into the city, but the moon is bright and almost full. Juubei breaths in the heavy night air and doesn’t go near the edge of the building.

There’s a soft tinkling sound that means Kazuki has found him. He doesn’t know how Kazuki does it, but he always finds him. Juubei sits up straight and breathes evenly. 

“How is he?” Kazuki asks and sits down next to him, looking out over the uneven rooftops of Infinity Fortress.

“Fine,” Juubei says, “Just a couple of cuts. I bandaged them for him.” 

“Good,” there is a small, white bandage on Kazuki’s face, just under his right eye. It’s the only cut he sustained during the battle, “he fought well today, didn’t he?”

Juubei doesn’t say anything. He finds it easier not to talk about Toshiki mostly, and right now he really doesn’t want to. Instead he looks at Kazuki, his beautiful, even face and the long, dark hair decorated with bells. His eyes are serious, not looking at Juubei but at the city beneath them. 

It calms Juubei to sit here like this. He can feel his heart beat in his chest when Kazuki sighs and leans into him but there is no surge of desire that he doesn’t know what to do with. He has loved Kazuki since he was nine years old; he has long years of practice in not letting feelings get in the way of what is important.

“Have you heard of the Lightning Lord?” Kazuki asks him. 

“No,” Juubei says. This is not surprising; Kazuki knows everything before everyone else.

“He’s new,” Kazuki tells him, “He’s…interesting.” 

“Will we have to fight him?”

“I don’t know yet,” Kazuki’s hair tickles Juubei’s bare arm when he moves his head and the bells tinkle. He sounds thoughtful, “we might. And if we do I’ll need you, Juubei.” 

It sends a surge of pleasure through him. This is what he is, what he can be for Kazuki. Strong, steady, dependable. What Kazuki needs him to be, he will be, a tool in his hands. This is what he decided long ago.

“Come, let’s go back,” Kazuki unfolds and stands in one smooth movement, waiting until Juubei is standing, too, to make his way back into the building. 

Juubei is determined not to put himself in a position where he might lose control again. He is polite and kind to Toshiki, which seems to infuriate him, and focuses his attention on doing what Kazuki needs him to do.

It works, except on those days where he is too tired to think, where his control is least present and most necessary. He tries not to think, struggles to free his thoughts but sometimes he can’t, sometimes he loses. He thinks about sex, and violence. He thinks about Toshiki’s strong hands holding him down, he thinks about fighting back. He thinks about bruising kisses and hair pulling and biting. 

He doesn’t think about Kazuki. He has learned that, at least.

He doesn’t struggle with his love for Kazuki. He belongs to Kazuki, would do whatever is asked of him to please him. Fundamentally, there is no one else. 

Toshiki is different. Toshiki pushes too hard and wants too much. Everything about his is rough and violent, controlled in his fighting and careless with himself. And in some ways Toshiki is like Juubei, because he, too, belongs to Kazuki.

Juubei wants-

He can’t have what he wants. It’s not appropriate, so he locks it up, shuts the door on it and breathes carefully. There’s no use in dwelling. 

When everything breaks open it’s both better and worse than he had thought.

It starts because- 

“We are the Lieutenants of Fuuga,” Juubei says evenly, “We shouldn’t fight among ourselves.”

“No,” Toshiki’s smile is soft and dangerous, “I guess we shouldn’t.” 

And then he yanks Juubei forward and kisses him, mouth hot and firm and insistent. And Juubei- Juubei slips for just a moment and kisses him back, opens his mouth and lets Toshiki lick into it.

That moment is his failure. 

Kissing Toshiki is what Juubei imagines drinking white lightning feels like, sharp and burning and free. For a moment he stops trying to control his feelings, trying to fit them in the neat boxes he made for them.

Toshiki crowds him backwards and Juubei goes, brings up his hands to Toshiki’s hair and threads his fingers into the gold spikes. It’s soft under his fingers and he grips it hard, making Toshiki smile against his lips. They’re pressed against each other, touching everywhere and Toshiki’s hands are at his hips, running over his ass and shoving at his shirt, trying to get underneath. 

They reach the wall and Juubei is caught between it and Toshiki’s bulk, but he doesn’t want to go anywhere. He feels light-headed and stupid, Toshiki biting at his lip and everything seems too tight and small.

“Your shirt is ridiculous,” Toshiki hisses, hand coming up to tug at the high collar, “Get it off.” 

“Only if you do,” Juubei gasps.

Toshiki laughs and he steps back a little, grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it off in one swift movement. He lets it drop carelessly to the floor and stands there for a moment, broad, naked chest and- 

Juubei pulls his shirt off, almost gets caught in the sleeves and tosses it away. He’s flushed and panting and his dick is straining in the confines of his pants. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands.

Luckily Toshiki wastes no time to step forward again, heat from his skin and his mouth pressed to Juubei’s neck, warm and wet. Juubei gasps and clutches him, fingers digging into the muscles of Toshiki’s biceps. 

They keep going, touching and clutching and Toshiki gets a knee between Juubei’s legs so their grinding on each other. Juubei runs his nails along the length of Toshiki’s back and feels him shudder. Toshiki bites him in return, just where his neck meets his shoulders, hard enough to hurt. Juubei gasps and arches and thinks _yes_. This is what he wants.

They’re both so, so hard. Juubei doesn’t think he’s ever felt this way shaky and dumb and aching. He wants more. He wants everything. 

Toshiki kisses him again and it’s as harsh and grating as before. This time Toshiki has threads his fingers in Juubei’s hair, holds him steady and Juubei kisses back, greedy and violent.

“You wanna fuck?” Toshiki whispers against his lips. 

It goes through Juubei like lightning, like fire. Every muscle in his body is tense, corded and hard and he wants, but he can’t, he hasn’t, he shouldn’t-

“Yes,” he gasps and Toshiki grins, wide and all teeth. 

“Well then,” he says, “we better get these off.”

He drops his hands from Juubei’s head to his hips, trailing over his chest, fumbling with the button of his pants. For a moment Juubei just let’s him, tilts his head back against the wall and tries to catch his breath. 

The button pops open and Toshiki shoves at the pants, pushing down his underwear in the process. They go down to the middle of his thigh and then get stuck. It doesn’t matter, his dick is free arching towards his stomach and Toshiki is distracted, hand curling around it and pulling experimentally, making Juubei arch into the touch.

“Bed,” he gasps, because they’re in his room and it’s _right there_ , they should, it should- 

Toshiki steps back and his smile is half cocked. His hands are working at his own pants, shoving them down and this time there is no underwear, there’s only Toshiki, naked and glorious, cock straining upward and Juubei just stands there, mouth half open and eyes wide.

Toshiki drops down on the bed and laughs at him. Juubei feels his cheeks heat up even more and he pushes his pants down even further and finally steps out of them. He looks at the bed, where Toshiki has spread himself out like a buffet, skin and muscles and cock and gold hair. He swallows then walks over to the small cabinet he keeps in his room, pulling it open and digging through it. 

“Juubei,” Toshiki growls but then Juubei finds what he was looking for.

“Here,” he says and tosses it at Toshiki, who snatches the items from the air. 

For a moment Toshiki looks interestedly at the items then at Juubei, “so why do you have condoms and lube in your room?”

“I’m the doctor,” Juubei says and tries to keep from flushing, “Sometimes people ask me for these things.” 

Toshiki stares at him for a moment, then laughs out loud, “People ask _you_ for condoms and lube?”

Juubei doesn’t like the implications of that tone but Toshiki is smirking now, unkind and predatory so he makes his way over to the bed and climbs in. It’s narrow and a little awkward but their close and naked and it only takes a moment before Juubei is on his back, Toshiki biting kisses into his chest, one hand resting lightly on Juubei’s dick while he whimpers. 

His head goes down, he’s scraping his teeth across Juubei’s abs now and his hand goes lower too, between Juubei’s legs, shifting his balls aside and-

Juubei goes still, muscles tightening and his breathing gets quicker, short, flat breaths, eager and scared. Toshiki does nothing for a moment, just lets his fingers rest there, his mouth above his stomach, the breath ghosting across it, cool on the wet patches he left there- 

“Relax,” he breathes, “You want this, right?”

It’s all- difficult. It’s difficult and Juubei wants so much, so many different things but then Toshiki looks up at him and smiles, all teeth and- 

Juubei does. He does, he does, he does and it loosens something in him, making him unknot, a puddle of skin and bones and muscle in the center of his bed, Toshiki’s long, gold hair catching the light as it spills thinly over his shoulders and brushes his skin.

Toshiki comes up to him again, kisses him, lips dragging over each other. It’s intense and wet and deep and Juubei gets focused on it, digs his fingers into Toshiki’s hair and kisses back with force, pushing and then- 

Toshiki’s finger enters him and he arches up but it feels good, good, good. He gasps against Toshiki’s lips and Toshiki kisses him, again and again, pushing deeper, gently, inexorably. First the one, then another, stopping to add lube and Juubei thinks _please,_ or maybe he says it.

Juubei’s thinking is hazy, soft and he’s shaking a little. He wonders, for a moment, if Toshiki has done this before. He thinks he must have, he seems to know what he’s doing but then Toshiki’s mouth is sucking gently on his nipple, fingers working inside him and he focuses on that. 

Toshiki shifts, removes his fingers and shifts back, fumbling. He’s opening the condom package Juubei realizes and lifts himself on his elbows to watch, hungry as Toshiki rolls the plastic over his dick, giving himself a pull. He looks at Juubei and his pupils are dilated, mouth soft, tongue darting out to lick his lips and Juubei knows he wants this, too.

Juubei feels- drunk, maybe, all pliable and stuttering, breathing heavy and Toshiki kisses him again, their tongues touch and it’s so easy now. 

It hurts when Toshiki enters him with a groan and Juubei makes a noise at the back of his throat, sharp and mewling and Toshiki slows, stops, kisses him until he shifts his hips, urges him forward and then he moves with shallow jerks of his hips, slowly fitting himself inside Juubei.

It feels strange. Strange and good and full and Toshiki starts moving faster, pushing himself forward and the drag fills him and he feels, he feels- 

“Ah,” Juubei cries out and arches and above him Toshiki chuckles so Juubei digs his fingers into his shoulders, nails biting the skin.

All their kisses are wet and sloppy now, their hips trying to find a rhythm that works. It’s good and tight and hard, Toshiki pushing, Juubei urging him to keep going. He has a hand around his own dick now, working himself slowly, trying to keep a rhythm with Toshiki. 

It’s over too fast, Juubei coming over his stomach with a cry and a few moments later Toshiki came as well, stilling above Juubei with a sharp moan.

He pulls out and does something with the condom that Juubei can’t see. It doesn’t matter, Juubei feels loose and soft, staring at the ceiling. He thinks he might be smiling. Toshiki flops down next to him on the bed, still naked, still close. He seems loose too, tension gone from his shoulders, expression soft and sleepy. 

Juubei thinks he should send him away, that after all they’ve done that maybe this, going to sleep together, is crossing the line. He can’t bring himself to do it though, and besides, he thinks, the line was probably crossed long ago.

So they sleep, soft and warm against each other. 

Juubei wakes up when Toshiki shifts next to him, sliding quietly out of the bed and gathering up his clothes. He stays still and tries to breathe evenly until he hears the door shut quietly, then he open his eyes and stares at the ceiling. It’s white and dirty, there are cracks in it, spider webs in the corners and he feels so bitter.

And yet- 

Now that it happened he can’t bring himself to think that he made a mistake.

He gets up and forces himself to go through the day as always. He wonders if Kazuki will know, what he will say if he asks him about it. 

Kazuki doesn’t ask him. No one asks him anything, no one acts any differently, not even Toshiki, who is as rude and challenging as always. Juubei doesn’t know if things are better or worse or even different now. Toshiki still gets to him, makes the blood shift under his skin and makes him want things he has no business wanting. It doesn’t go away and now…now he knows.

Knows what it’s like, how it feels. It hasn’t changed anything. 

It’s almost inevitable that it happens again. And again and again and again.

It’s hot, filthy kisses and a feeling like freedom. Soft skin and hard muscle and Toshiki’s mouth around his dick. 

Toshiki always stays after and after a while it stops being a surprise to Juubei. Sometimes they sleep, sometimes they touch and sometimes, rarely, Toshiki talks, eyes bright as he goes on about the great future he imagines for Fuuga and Kazuki and his desire to help this future come about.

Juubei just wants whatever Kazuki wants. 

This is what breaks them.

Kazuki has been distracted with the going-ons in Infinity Fortress, the ever growing shadow of the Lightning Lord. Juubei hears of him too, of the boy who can change the future. He doesn’t think much of it until- 

“I’m going to disband Fuuga and join the Lightening Lord,” Kazuki tells him. They’re on the roof again and Kazuki is looking at him, face calm and thoughtful and only a hint of worry around the eyes, “Will you come with me?”

Juubei thinks of Toshiki’s voice, animated and enthusiastic when he talked of making Kazuki emperor of Infinity Fortress, of how desperate he seems for this future to come about. He thinks of Kazuki, head of his house and searching for a way to avenge his family, about what it means to him and how much he loves him. There is no competition. 

“Yes, of course,” he says.

He’s there when Kazuki tells Toshiki and he sees the way Toshiki’s face goes white with rage and how Kazuki, for once, doesn’t understand. Everything is awful. 

Toshiki leaves that evening and he doesn’t speak to Juubei, doesn’t speak to anyone. Juubei only knows because he goes to his rooms and they are destroyed, bed broken and table splintered, clothes gone. Juubei stands in the middle of the destruction and feels his heart ache, so he swallows and pulls himself together. Takes the emotion and shelves it, this will be something he never speaks off.

He doesn’t expect to see Toshiki ever again.


End file.
